The Lovesickness of Kyonko
by Cenore
Summary: A Kyonko and Haruki fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer

I do not own any rights to the Suzumiya Haruhi series, nor do I claim to. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while.

The lovesickness of Kyonko

The rain spewing out from the sky was rather depressing. Haruki seemed to be playing off of this as his melancholic mood resurfaced. I don't think it was ever truly gone, it was just kept in check by the happiness he had experienced in the time the SOS Dan has been together. That being said he was never happy he was just contempt with the situation.

Sometime back Asakura Ryou—before he tired to kill me—said that maybe he was suffering from love sickness. It may have been true, but really could someone like him feel love sickness? I mean I know I could, but I'm normal could as Itsuko calls him "god" really suffer from love sickness?

If he could then maybe we'd have something in common, but as it is now I don't have anything in common with him. He's haughty, I"m laid back. We're the antithesis of one another and only bound together by Haruki's lack of common sense. It's annoying what I've had to put up with, and what I've done.

Yuuki's always so quiet, and kept to himself as before. Itsuko is still Itsuko, and Mitsuuru hasn't changed. Everything has remained the same as when it started, and at this pace it seems that it always will. It's about time something changes isn't it? My rudimentary life has overall remained the same. I may be scarred for life though. With what I've seen, and what I've had to portray.

I guess it's all part of life even though life lately has got me down.

Chapter 1—Envy

I hurried to the clubroom the rain outside was pushing me into a melancholy. The same sorrowful rain that didn't want to cease it's torture on me. What had I done to anger the sky? Is it even possible for the sky to be angry? These question don't need answer but people nonetheless waste their time analyzing such useless things.

The old school building didn't muffle the sound of the rain pounding in to. I hadn't brought an umbrella today to make things worse. During class I had hoped it would cease by the time I left for the clubroom, but it hadn't so now I hoped it would stop before I had to head home. Humans are like that if we don't see things as possible we give up without even trying. In the case of rain, yeah it's pretty impossible to make it stop, but with other things you can at least try. Haruki isn't bound by common law he sees anything as possible. He still has the imagination of a child a wonderful thing to keep.

I entered the clubroom Mitsuuru wasn't inside changing into his butler outfit. I had beat him here since I had to do some changing too. My outfit was a short apron dress. I had grown accustom to wearing it already. Haruki has never complimented me. He's too cold to do that all he will ever do is look at Itsuko when she cosplays, and tell her how great she looks. Why does she look better than me! It ticked me off as I locked the door.

I undid my ribbon, and proceeded to undress—my flat chest isn't even something anyone would want to look at though—once I had taken off my uniform I started to put on the apron dress, it was a simple black and white design with lace, first came the black knee-length socks, followed by the shoes, the shoes are black with a simple ribbon on the front, finally I placed the headdress on my my head.

I honestly thought I looked okay but I had never been assured of that fact—Haruki is ignorant to it all. Like most people are ignorant to the most obvious things in anime. It really annoying you want the two characters to end up together but they'll go through the entire show and never realize each others' feelings. Guys have never had much interest in me to begin with I guess so why would someone dedicated to finding a alien bride have much interest in me?

Still it's annoying I think to not have anyone to tell if you look good or not. Maybe I'm foolish thinking the way I think. Why do I think about him so much? Everything is about him dammit!

I unlocked the door, the click of it unlocking reached my ears. Nobody was here yet, I had hurried to get here as to not arrive in the middle of one of Mitsuuru's stripteases. He can't seem to lock the door—I don't want to peep at him, I rather see Haruki's bare body. I'd rather see him in a swimsuit again—his built body. My brain wandered in an unwanted direction again how had it all gone back to Haruki?

I guess I'm just a normal schoolgirl. Nothing special about me, an absolute zero, nothing at all. A flat chest—I'm not as tall as Itsuko or have glimmering white teeth. She has everything I can't stand her. She looked good in the bunny suit, while I...I thought I looked okay but compared with her it wasn't even a match. Everyone is so cruel, guys have always treated me like I don't matter though—nothing different with Haruki—I should've gotten used to it by now, but I am just a schoolgirl.

I moved to to a chair as I held back tears for some reason. I don't know why I was holding them back. When had I begun to act this way? It's like finding out your not as skinny as you thought—you're actually fat. Haruki was Haruki, sure I kissed him, but that didn't count. When had I started to love him so much? He treated me badly, and acted as if my opinion didn't count—he hadn't ever been sincere with me. It was bluntness—he'd tell me how my hair was mess, he told when I first talked to him how I was a waste of time. I don't think we ever had an actual connection between us. As time passed the gap between us didn't seem to shirk it grew. Everything we had done together didn't matter. He was still Haruki, and I was simply Kyonko. A girl who never had a say in what was to be done. I was his gopher—Itsuko said I was the one chosen by Haruki, but I don't feel like it—his tool.

I laid my hands on the table and used them as a cushion for my face as I cried. It was pitiful why was I crying for such a sleazebag? He didn't deserve to have a girl crying over him.

Yuuki walked in he didn't say a word or even announce his presence—his steps were those of a ninja or had he even stepped? He found his spot in the corner—I wish I was able to be alone like him instead of desiring to be with someone—he opened a book, and began reading as usual. The ever so reliable alien didn't seem to care if I was crying, or did he just not know what to say. I'm sure he knew why I was crying—nothing ever gets through him.

I tried to stop but couldn't the tears kept coming out making it clear how much I truly wanted to be with Haruki. How I wanted to kiss him again—even if only for a second it'd be better than nothing. His soft lips being entrapped by mine as I closed my eyes and found my heaven. My mind started to wander again, and I fantasied about kissing him. It seemed to help as I stopped crying—I realized how pitiful I really was. He was oblivious to how I felt, and if he felt the same way before it seemed to be gone. Had I not acted quick enough? Can't I have second chance? Where's the reset button here? I want things to revert to how they were before I felt this way, maybe I could stop myself from falling for him.

I wiped away the remaining tears, and swallowed my feelings hoping they'd be digested.

Itsuko walked in a few minutes later. Her simple presence pissed me off—this girl just got on my nerves. Her perfect everything was so irritating, how could she be so perfect—was it plastic surgery!? Was she a doll—or an esper! She even had that—if Haruki knew that he'd take her as his bride in seconds. As I'd be left to cry to myself for not acting. Her peppy breasts. Her fully developed figure dammit! What do I have?

Nothing.....

I didn't want to talk to her—half of me wished she was dead the other half cursed me for how malicious I was.

"Do you want to play chess?" She said in a cheery voice.

"Sure." I muttered.

If I destroyed her in a board game I'd be satisfied if only for a little bit. She started to set up the pieces.

"Asahina-san isn't coming today."

"Really," I said uncaring about him. He had lost his appeal long ago—how could I want a man that wasn't even really man.

"Yeah he had other things to attend to today."

Did I really have to talk back wouldn't my silence serve as enough? I didn't want to talk to Itsuko about anything I just wanted to destroy her at chess. Haruki walked in my eyes traced him as he went to his seat. He was in a melancholic mood. I don't blame him, the rain is so annoying, sure it's necessary but still I hate it, rain makes me feel bad too.

"Hi" I said to him. I didn't get a response as he dragged his body to the commanders chair.

Haruki booted up the computer, paying no attention to me. With Asahina gone I went to brew tea instead. I gave Haruki some when it was done he just swiped it out of my hand without so much as a thank you. Then I gave some to Yuuki finally I brought some to the table for Itsuko and me. Even if I detested her I wasn't going to show it. She had setup the board already. I sat down to play—my goal was total conquest.

Time passed, as I became aggravated she was beating me—actually beating me. I wasn't going to go down that easily dammit—I couldn't lose to her. She was beating me badly.

"Check." she announced.

I made a move then she did.

"Check."

Again.

"Checkmate." She said with a irritating gleaming smile.

I had lost—everything was lost—she beat me at everything. I had always been able to win beforehand, and I lost the one time I actually wanted to win. Anger swelled inside of me. I tossed the board aside as I stood up. The pieces fell in a scramble with a rhythmic sound of one after the other hitting the floor. Everyone was looking at me, even Haruki—at least he looked....

"EVERYONE GET OUT! I'M CHANGING!"

I yelled, steamed. I should've known something like this was going to happen—I just can't seem to win. Slowly and wordlessly they left the room. I tried to calm down by breathing deeply—it didn't seem to help I grew angrier. I threw off the dress, and changed into my uniform, in a haste. After grabbing my bag I opened the door, and ran by them as I exited the school. Haruki better not think badly of me, it's his fault anyway!

At the shoe lockers I threw off my indoor shoes, and changed into my outdoor shoes. I ran in the rain crying at the same time—Itsuko didn't lose to the rain on the hate scale albeit. When I got home I was soaked—my parents got mad that I had forgotten my umbrella. After throwing my uniform in the washing machine I took a shower in steaming water. It was not relaxing at all—Haruki was on my mind the entire time, and I started to sob—soon I was bawling. My parents didn't hear me somehow—I'm glad they didn't. What would they think—I wouldn't be able to tell them the real reason I was crying—they'd probably think I was depressed in the end. None of that would be good.

After the melancholic shower I changed into my pajamas—deciding I was going to sleep. I couldn't think of anything else to do—watching television wasn't possible my mind would wander anyway. My parents made me eat—I tired to fake a smile—the food was okay, but for some reason lacked flavor. Everything had downgraded—food wasn't good, a shower made me cry instead of making me happy—nothing was the same. My life had changed but not how I wanted it to. It was only filled with melancholy now. A deep melancholy that showed it's face where I didn't want it to. At school, inside the clubroom, at home—this day had just been full of melancholy.

My life was falling apart thanks to Haruki. I tired to sleep but couldn't, my mind kept bringing him up—that kiss we shared. I told myself to find someone else—a normal person like me—but I wanted him, no one else! I started to cry again—it was still raining. No matter how hard I tired not to think about it, I thought about it more hence my crying went on for quite awhile. My pillow must've been soaked—I couldn't tell I was absorbed by my crying.

In the morning I didn't feel like getting up, my brother yelled at me at my mother's request, still I didn't respond. My head was in a swirl—sleep was impossible last night I was to preoccupied with my love life—I felt like staying home. Missing school wasn't going to affect me much, I thought. Haruki was ruining every aspect of my life—I thought it wouldn't matter even if I went with my barely passing grades, attending university was a long-shot. His grip over me reached as far as my self-worth—with my body I wouldn't be able to work as a hostess or some other similar job, my body also wasn't meant for heavy labor—I'd probably get no where in life, I thought. This of course only served to further drive my melancholy.

If I went, how would I confront them after yesterday, was also a worry. I had bolted off after simply being beat in a board game. Would Haruki throw me out of the club and act even colder toward me, if that's even possible? All this filled my desire to skip school for the day—how would it hurt I thought—my mother didn't think the same way, and forced me to go after seeing I wasn't sick. With everything weighing me down, including no sleep, I struggled more so than before to climbed the steep hill to North High. Taniguchi's presence a good portion of the way up the hill made me feel worse. Even she looked better than me. That morning I hadn't even bothered to tie the ribbon on my chest.

"Hey Kyonko," she said as she tapped me on the shoulder. I wanted to lash out "shut up!" yet refrained and only said it inside of my head.

"Hi," I muttered hoping that would suffice for a conversation. This hope didn't last long, it was a plane crash that happened after simply boarding and taking off, luckily I survived.

"Ah things not going well with Haruki?" She ignorantly asked.

"Everything's fine," I lashed out rudely. The way I said it meant everything wasn't fine—even someone as thick headed as Taniguchi should be able to comprehend that fact.

We reached the school soon—she stayed quiet figuring out I wasn't feeling that great as I had hoped. Her quietness was almost creepy—her tendency to talk drove me to the conclusion that she'd keep talking yet as I said above I hoped she wouldn't, and for once hoping actually worked. That's one of the problems with humans, they only hope—not saying I'm any different.

Reaching the school complex I regretted it, I rather repeat the hell that was walking up the hill then confront Haruki in the classroom. What would he think of yesterday? Could it be written off as anything? It was over a board game at eye level, could anyone analyze it and find out the real reason—Yuuki could but that doesn't count. I was in frenzy trying to come up with some excuse, or could I simply feign ignorance to what happened yesterday—no that's impossible, the entire scene was to big to act as it never occurred. Nor would I try to do that, it could backfire on my heavily—I'd be better off coming up with a solid excuse not employing some swiss cheese method like that.

The walk to the classroom seemed to end in an instant, and I was left without a plan—I grew embarrassed walking into the classroom unready. Haruki was sitting in his usual seat (row by the window, last seat) he was clearly visible the moment I walked in. He eyed me, his expression was playful, he had covered up his melancholy again. This instantly worried me—why was he so happy? Had he figured it out, I thought hoping he had. It would make things so much simpler if he had—even if he rejected me it'd better for me overall. If he accepted me that'd be great, but if he didn't....even though I'd end up breaking right there I'd make a recovery he'd be marked in my mind as an asshole, and I would've wasted a great deal of time dealing with him for no reason then...... Never mind if he rejected me it wouldn't be better I'd worse off, the only thing that'd make me feel better was if he accepted me as his girlfriend.

I shuffled to my seat. I turned my body on the chair to face him, after putting my schoolbag on the hook of the desk to see what he smiling about. I kept my embarrassment in check. Haruki's face was so full of warmth I wanted to lean over, and plant a kiss on his soft lips. His eyes were partially covered by his bangs the yellow headband was just for show as always. I don't understand why he wears it—back when we kissed I told him how I liked it better without it, how I fancied hair in the natural messy look. He only left it alone for one day, then reverted.

"Kyonko I understand what happened yesterday."

"Y-you do?" I meekly responded hoping I was right that he knew about how I felt.

"Yeah it's that time of the month."

"....." I grew embarrassed, how it could it be that? I don't get drastic mood swings like that! I mean sure it's annoying, but I'd never do that because of my period. Sure I'm a little more feisty but no not like that! I'm not going through my period right now anyway it's already happened a week ago! I'm well over it dammit!

I had no choice but to turn around, and lay on desk for completely reading the situation incorrectly. I felt humiliated—i wasn't going to correct him albeit, this was probably the best thing I could've hoped for even if it was embarrassing. But he did smile because of me...

"Yeah I was talking about it with Itsuko, and that's the conclusion we came to."

I hate her so much....she did provide my escape, but she talked with him—something me and Haruki hadn't done in quite awhile until now, yet she came first. I envy her so much—how I wish I was in her shoes then winning him over wouldn't be that difficult. I really, heavily envy her....

Chapter 1—Envy end


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2—Cosplay

With Haruki thinking I was on my period, he smiled behind me while toying with my ponytail—I was happy he was. My mind wasn't on what was being taught in class anyway. In the morning I had come with my ribbon undone, but before class started I tied it—fearing he'd think I was a slob. My hair was fine that morning—as was implied, it was in a ponytail as always. It was the only hairstyle I liked. A child will only play with a toy he fancies, the same said for my hair. A natural straightened down look wasn't for me—not enough girls wear their hair in ponytails in my opinion. It's a dying hairstyle it seems—or a hairstyle only employed on groggy mornings when even doing your hair is unthinkable. Hopefully Haruki doesn't believe that....I don't do it because I'm lazy. I like it....is there something wrong with that? How could guys not like the ponytail? If I was a guy, I think I'd have a ponytail fetish instead of my natural hair fetish.

I was reclining my head on my palm while Haruki played with my hair. Sensei eyed us, my textbook wasn't even opened, my eyes only looking at him my ears weren't listening to his voice—Sensei wouldn't risk angering Haruki albeit so we were in our safe zone. If Haruki or one of his Brigade members was told off in the middle of class who knows what would happen—it wasn't something I wanted to know. Sensei continued to teach, or talk whatever he was doing—didn't matter to me, I wasn't mentally present in class. My mind was in Haruki mode (fantasizing mode). I waned my lips to caress his again—I wanted it to be more passionate this time albeit I wanted him to embrace me while we kissed so I could feel his warmth. Or even better I wanted him to lie over me as we kissed, forcing a kiss on me—if he forced it than that would mean he wanted to kiss me too. Overall I hoped that his playing with my ponytail meant that he loved me—at least that he cared for me, for now that would be enough. Finally I opened my text book to divert the anger of Sensei to some other problem he had on his mind—I can't be the only one with problems after all.

During lunch He left—I had always assumed to eat in the cafeteria, he better not be going to see Itsuko, or some other girl. Although I think most girls are afraid of him now.....good. If they're afraid of him then there's just less chance someone else will take him—Itsuko might, but does she really even hold interest in him, I hoped she didn't. I seem to hope a lot—maybe I should try to change myself and act instead of hoping that he won't be taken away, I could confess to him. No that's not a choice.....if he rejected me, I don't know what I'd do, if I'm already like this what would happen if I got rejected? How much lower could I sink? But I have to act, or else I won't be able to assure that he becomes mine—no way I'm letting some other girl have him. He will be my boyfriend. If only Haruki knew and felt the same way then he could ask me—this would be the most convenient method—I thought to myself.

As usual I ate with Taniguchi and Kunikida. I tried to avoid conversation like it was some disease ridden child—I didn't want to get infected, and feel worse about myself. Seriously what happened to my cheeky attitude when dealing with such matters? Was the change gradual, so gradual that I wasn't able to notice it myself? It must've been but how can my feelings all of a sudden just flood out? That's doesn't seem possible. Was I suppressing them, did not I want to admit how I felt about him, was I too immature to accept what I felt? That's probably it.... How could anybody fall in love with Haruki—he doesn't understand anything at all! He's so ignorant to everybody except himself, how could anybody love a guy like that! Still I do.....no matter if I tell myself I don't, the simple matter is that I do. It's all so ridiculous—Haruki is more than just a classmate to me, but I couldn't admit that. I had too much honor to admit such an embarrassing fact about myself—really though was it necessary to hide it even from myself, I think not. Thinking this way won't help anything though, I'll just keep going around in a circle—the answer to when I started to love him is the same as a dog chasing its tail, it will never be reached.

"Kyonko, you have to relax, so what if things aren't going well, time changes everything doesn't?"

Taniguchi, you bastard how dare you say something that's actually useful. That's right time does change everything—we can't all live forever, we're mortal after all so we have to make use of our time. But that's not really what it deals with—Haruki's always changing moods, he doesn't stay with one accessory for too long. Accessory here referring to moods—he choose and picks from the many. Most of the time it's a melancholic one—his melancholy isn't the same as mine, he's just depressed that the world is too mundane. While I'm fretting over love—that's not fair! I'm digressing though. With time he becomes happy or covers up the melancholy with happiness as I suspect. Just like his moods his ideals will change too. If I'm dedicated enough in making him love me, then he will, and at that point he'll ask me out—unless he's becomes taciturn with dealing such matters of the heart. The guy's dated girls beforehand so that can't be the case albeit he broke up with them after finding them "boring." That's really annoying—am I desiccating? Do I drain the fun from activities? Dullness....that's the biggest thing I'll have to overcome—I have to seem scintillating. NO, I can't seem to be that's not sufficient, I must be scintillating—I'm going to have to work on this.

"Yeah it does change everything."

"Well everything but your flat chest!"

She sneered. I need something to distract my mind, something to bring me back to how I acted before everything was revealed to myself. This was somewhat distracting...it reminded me of when we first met when everything was still normal before I had ever cosplayed. When I used to tell myself, I was normal—a normal person couldn't have gone through what I have, and keep their sanity. It really put into perspective how much time had elapsed. Sometimes now matter how you struggle in fixing your situation, the only person who can save you from yourself is someone else.

"Shut up."

She started to giggle, I didn't really care. It was somewhat reminiscent—I hadn't taken note of what had been occurring lately with Taniguchi and Kunikida. Her laughs brought me back to actually listening to them—not attentively albeit.

I started to eat lightening up a bit, everything just had to remain the same for a little longer—things don't spontaneously happen after all. I didn't become a high-schooler in just a second—nor did I grow up that fast. Everything in the world takes time to happen. Look at everything we have now—thousands of years ago people didn't have the conveniences we have today. Still they moved on—so can I, I can wait—although they died before they ever received these conveniences I'm speaking about so yeah... Anyway it doesn't matter I can wait.....I can wait....

We ate as we talked, gossiping about unnecessary things—I don't remember any of it. It was unnecessary after all so I didn't take it to mind. I would've said 'to heart' but the heart doesn't have the capability to absorb knowledge or hold love it's just an organ that pumps blood—we can't love with it nor can we remember things with it. It one of those saying that needs to die out. I think I understand where it comes from but still—to me it seems that the phrase exists because the heart is one of the most important organs. And the phrase means that without that person you love you'd be unable to live? I think that's right—Never mind I don't understand it, if anyone does than please explain it to me. Anyway this phrase just needs to die along with: a change of heart, at heart, breaking someone's heart, by heart, from the bottom of one's heart, have a heart, have a heart of gold, have one's heart in the right place, one's heart's desires, wear one's heart on one's sleeve, as well as all the other ones I didn't bother mentioning.

I ate some rice it tasted alright—like it used to. Maybe I'm just over hyping everything—my love is there that's apparent I do feel strongly about him, it's the strongest feeling that I've ever felt—games, and anime get too much hype sometimes that in the end it doesn't live up to it—this is the same. Haruki is Haruki, I have to remember that I love him the way he is, and I shouldn't expect anything more that what's at face value. I don't want this to be a disaster.

After lunch and the resumption of regular classes Haruk went back to toying with my ponytail—of course after he came back from eating his lunch, I hope, I'd interrogate him but at the risk of sounding vexatious I won't. I'm not some lawyer who just wants to anger him after all. So with the start of regular classes I tired to listen, attentively at that. Still I found myself unable to—this had nothing to do with Haruki—Sensei's voice was monotonous—the man just couldn't even show a speck of emotion. His voice made me want to beat my head against something for the sole reason of not listening to it anymore. Damn maybe I need more motivation in school. That would help, I wouldn't be struggling so much when I do try to listen, only to think 'what the hell is going on....' it's happened more and more especially in math—my mind wanders lingering on things that happened epochs ago as if I myself want to be the cause of failure. I won't say decrepit words about myself though. I am myself I can't change that, so I mustn't put myself down. Instead I'll say: I like my flat chest, so what if my marks aren't that great!

With that this sunny school day well it wasn't raining so I can say sunny drew to a close. But really weather affects me more than I thought it handicapped me. Today I won't cry no matter what!

So then.....after school.

Haruki picked me up bridal style I only had time to grab my schoolbag—man when was the last time this happened? My seemingly weightless body was taken to the clubroom in an instant his speed was incredible almost unmatchable—wonder if he could make it into the Olympics....

But before we reached the clubroom while he ran I protested.

"Put me down!"

"Don't touch me there you prev!"

I tried to hit him with my bag but somehow missed..... He overpassed the other students either pushing them aside or running past them leaving them disoriented. Both his hair and mine swayed from the speed. He passed through the hallway to the another building down a flight of stairs to the first floor then up another flight of stares all to reach the clubroom. He opened the door sustaining me with one hand then walked in casually. He put me down then walked over to the costume rack.

"Hmm I'm sure.....here it is."

He took something off the rack placing it on the table as he walked by. Yuuki walked in while this was occurring—he didn't even think anything of what was now placed on the table I bet. He seems to be late lately.... What he took off was what could only be descried as pretty much a cat costume. The top was a skimpy piece of cloth, the bottom was just a furry pantie. No one would think of waring such a costume when it was this cold—no one would think of waring that dammed costume anytime! If he expected me to wear that damn thing he's retarded! Sorry if I offended anybody—I'm not making fun of them only a sick person would do that all I meant was he was acting like one, which I feel sympathy for those with mental retardation, It's very unnerving.

"Where's Itsuko-chan?"

Here we go...how unnerving but nonetheless, she better not cosplay for this demented asshole—God you sick son of a bitch! Okay that's not what I meant....anyway....

"Haruki, don't even think about it—no way your getting anybody in that!"

"Geez you leech the fun out of everything, not like I'm making you wear it at least not _yet!_ Since you know, you'll only get your mood swings!"

I'm not on my period!

There's no way I'm wearing that! You should just fantasy about it on your free time, at home preferably! In the safety of your house I wouldn't want you to get a criminal record for doing something you shouldn't. But you can fantasy all you want but only if I'm the girl your fantasying about! Wait slash that.... where was I going with this?

So I do drain the fun out of everything damn—but if I suddenly change what will he think? Is it better to keep my current character, or change just for him? He is important to me, I don't want some other girl to take him, but changing is going to be harder than I thought. The obvious thing would be to wear it to please him, but no way am I getting that scantily clad! Haruki why can't you change instead—I don't see that happing albeit, Haruki is Haruki after all like I keep telling myself.

Itsuko walked in and I wished she hadn't. Itsuko will bend to Haruki's design she's a dog doing a trick to get a measly biscuit! She needs to stand up for herself once in awhile—she never will I bet. Haruki is god to her, which is very worrisome. On second thought, I don't want to be like her anymore—her problems now that I think about are troubling. She has to fight avatars whenever we can't keep Haruki happy—imagine that he's usually never happy these days. Itsuko's workload has grown I bet. She's also been slow in composing an adventure for Haruki to participate in. She'll have to think of something soon to keep things how they are. Even if I hate her—I don't want the world to end.

"Hello."

Itsuko greeted as she walked in looking perky—let me tell you, you should take that expression and flush it down the toilet. Her eyes took in what was placed on the table still she showed no displeasure in the situation—I bet she was swearing in the inside though. She gracefully took a seat on one of the metallic chairs. Her eyes wandered in my direction.

I shook my head from side to side. While reciting "I'm not wearing it" inside of my head. Her face shone as brightly as before showing no dissatisfaction—how can she act that way all the time, she must've been trained to.

As if he was needed Asahina-san showed up. He walked in looked at the horrific costume, and seemed to grow a nerved—did he think he was going to wear it, he really needs to act more like a man and stand up for himself.

"Don't worry Mitsuuru-kun, this isn't for you. Now then Itsuko-chan assist Kyonko in changing! Yuuki, Mitsuuru, come with me."

Before I could do or say anything I was suddenly grabbed by Itsuko who kept me in the room while the others dispersed. Her strength was greater than mine, my resistance would mean nothing in the end. The others left the room, she let me go for a second—I thought she was going to be a merciful servant of god—as she locked the door than grabbed me again wrestling me down to the floor—she's no merciful servant of god but a messenger of doom!

Damn Haruki! He lured me into a false sense of security—I thought I was going to get away this time, but he pulled me with the leash I have around my neck known as ignorance! I should've been able to read the situation correctly—I had half-assed my whole perception of the day.

Itsuko took off my cardigan one arm at a time she threw it aside then pulled on my ribbon.

"Stop!"

I protested—knowing it was useless yet still hoping I'd be saved. This is just one more reason to hate Itsuko—other than her perfectness and character she had the duty of being Haruki's courier of doom to me.

"Kyonko you'll look good in it."

She said as she removed the ribbon throwing it aside.

She assured me—hearing it from her when she looked aesthetic, it seemed to be an insult.

"I DON'T CARE, I'M NOT WEARING IT!"

I yelled hectically while she pulled the top of my sailor uniform off—I could write this off as sexual harassment.

My hands slipped out it, my bare pale abdomen was exposed. My breasts were still covered up my bra. Her hands scurried behind to my back unhooking it—I only wear a bra because you never know when it may rain—or to support my invisible breasts. She pulled it out through my hands. My breasts—or better my nipples were exposed.

"Stop it damn it!"

I said still hoping for a merciful messenger—I was just wasting my breaths. I was trying to teach a child who wouldn't cooperate she'd only continue doing her misdeeds believing they were just. Next she undid the belt on my skirt, and pulled it off throwing it aside. My strawberry print panties were fully exposed the same for my thighs.

"Just stop, I can dress myself!"

This was humiliating and having her dress me would only add to the agglomerate. She moved back allowing me proper space to stand, I got up went to the table, and started to dress—that is if you can call changing into this scantily cloth dressing.

In the end I was a cat...cat ears and all. To explain it I think it be easier to say what wasn't exposed to the elements. Oh before I start I should I tell you I was trembling from the icy wind I felt that seemed to be chapping my skin. Okay my breasts were covered as they should be, and my groin was covered also how it should be the rest was bare. On my hands were cat-paw mittens.

"You look adorable."

Itsuko complimented while showing a smile that seemed to be true—I think this is first time I've actually seen a true, wholemindily smile—yes I made my own word, no way I'm going to rely on 'wholeheartedly.'

My face was flush, I tired to hide behind my hands—no dice, everything was still clearly visible, yet like an artist I continued to do waste my effort trying to erase a smudge that wouldn't efface!

Itsuko without my consent opened the door.

"Don't!"

A few seconds later Haruki walked in, behind him were of course Mitsuuru who after taking a glance at me retreated back outside, and Nagato who casually returned to his seat without taking the time to even look at me for more than a second—not as if I wanted him to. Haruki got out a digital camera from his schoolbag that he had left beside the clothing rack.

"No pictures!"

"Kyonko, just shut up."

He said as he closed the door and began to take shot after shot as my flushed face only became a deeper red. This lasted longer than I had wished-which would've been about a second.... I wasn't going to pose....Haruki's face was vibrant with happiness more so than before—I felt relieved for being the factor that caused it...

Chapter 2—Cosplay end


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3—present

I wish I'll have a happy ending, like in kid's movie. A girl falling for a guy like I have, then she gets swept off her feet, and lives happily after—instead of a castle albeit we have a house. He does everything for her—no matter what she may ask of him, he will do it, he'll change his ways for her—he searches for her the entire movie, and at the end the two become one in matrimony, but only after many hardships. I still have to go through those hardships but to be with him; it's all worth it. Getting put into a spell of sleep and awakened by his kiss—my prince. For that single moment I'd gladly drink poison—not poison that's fatal albeit, or deal with unyielding villains, a witch, anything they could throw at me I'd gladly stand up and face it to merely be by his side, to be embraced by him in that one defining moment where everything comes together and the two know they will love each other for eternity. That's not too much to ask for is it?

Although....does cosplaying fall under one of the categories? I guess it does in my avant rising—albeit I think it'd be easier to be put into a deep sleep, all you have to do is lie there waiting for someone to caress your lips with theirs then you magically awaken to a happy ending that sounds very appealing, but I'm lacking the means of putting myself into a deep sleep.....would Nagato do it? NO that's asking too much for that matter having a fairy godmother would ease the situation. We could also add a regular fairy or something along those lines. Although in those stories there's always a villain of some kind that's there to hinder the prince—that wouldn't be too good I guess, what if Haruki got hurt or even worse......what's this have to do with anything albeit? It's not like all of a sudden something related to movies of that kind are going to befall me.

"achoo!"

At this rate I was going to catch a cold, standing in a room half-naked that was only heated by a small electrical heater that didn't seem to do job very efficiently, I needed to get properly dressed soon. Haruki lowered the digital camera terminating the photo shoot session.

"Kyonko, get dressed," commanded Haruki. This command may have been the only one that I've ever wanted to be audible—if possible could all the other nonsensical commands be infrasonic hmm....or maybe they could enter a wormhole or something like that and end up on the other side of the planet; this would mean someone else would have to hear Haruki's commands, which would mean Haruki's madness would be known elsewhere. Then these people could think badly of Haruki, so I guess I'd rather have Haruki's commands audible only to the SOS. Although I'm divagating.....again.....

"Yuuki, come with me." Mitsuuru was still waiting in the hall since he had never come back in after departing with just one peek at me. I didn't want him to look but seriously doesn't he have more guts? Some girls like childish guys but childish doesn't usually mean that they're frightened or taciturn like a child would be. Although children usually are misbehaved.....so wouldn't that mean that instead of bad-boys or whatever you want to call them they should be called children? Huh.......never thought about this before.....but back to Asahina; Haruki's goal of turning him into a man to be envied by all is a long shot. He will always be a wimpy child it seems—how utterly sad, Asahina too far gone I don't blame Haruki.

The door was shut by Haruki, since Yuuki was already reading in the passage way, as he proceeded outside of the clubroom. Itsuko remained inside, but didn't start undressing me that'd be disgusting as well as disturbing! Her aesthetic figure only remained plastered on the metallic chair while her face wore a smile that was starting to become aggravating. The top of the cat costume was removed in a haste it's furriness was thrown onto the floor while I placed my bra back on covering my nonexistent breasts—although it did cover my nipples. The temperature of the room was too cold to stand around naked—not that I wanted to anyway. I'm not an exhibitionist since if I was I wouldn't have minded wearing the revealing feline costume—I probably would've enjoyed it if I was. But as I'm not I hated it! I hated it more than having to go through the menstrual cycle!

My skin was freezing! The damn clubroom needs to be better weather equipped. We could use another heater or two. The window needs to be insulated, which who would bother doing that? The school wouldn't do it, this room officially belongs to the literature club, but Nagato wouldn't do it. If I asked Haruki he'd probably would but I wouldn't want to bother him.

For that matter, is Nagato even aware of the concepts known as cold and hot. He could probably be wearing a tank top and shorts while looking like he's bathing in the sun in the middle of a snow-covered mountain in wintertime while even more snow drifts down. Although this is but a hunch and means nothing in the end if incorrect.

The next thing to go was the furry pantie that even went as far as having a tail extension to it—I forgot to mention that earlier, please forgive me for misleading on what the actual appearance, but you cannot deny I said I was a cat and since cats have tails it was implied. My strawberry print panties—strawberry because you know they're more attractive than apples—were once again exposed. Although aren't they not supposed to be seen then what's the point of the print? Or for that matter what's with the fancy stringed panties and all the other different varieties? …..I don't understand......could someone please explain it to me?

My clothing was in a pile on a chair. The first article of clothing was my skirt. In the morning I tend to assume my skirt first. Is this the same for everyone? The bottom article always comes first in my routine no matter what it may be? Then the next article would be the top. If I'm wearing a skirt next I'll place socks of some kind on. Is this way of dressing a world habit? Why am I even thinking of this.....

Anyway the next piece would be the sailor suit top. Then as I said the black socks, or stockings, leggings whatever they may be. After that you take the time to tie the decorative ribbon then finally you place your feet inside the shoes in this case. Oh I forgot about the cardigan which goes on after the rest of the garments.

Even though I had dressed the room still felt as cold as before. I guess I'd have to wait a while to warm up—well if I could, it's the same as getting out a cozy warm blanket to go to the restroom or something only to get back hoping to be as warm as before but in reality you can't achieve the same level of warmth no matter how long you stay under it. At least this befalls me a lot.

"Should we let them in?"

Questioned Itsuko as she sat, once I turned around to look at her I saw she was looking in my direction; she was still wearing the irritating smile.

Without giving her an answer I walked to the door and opened it. Was an answer needed it was all I could do after all. If I locked Haruki out of the room, I'd only actively be decreasing my chance of being with him. Why would I do something as foolish as that? I know better than doing something as joke only for the other person to take it the complete wrong way. It's probably better not to joke around—at least with someone I care so much for and love. The atmosphere of the hallway was even chillier than the clubroom's.

"achoo!" "achoo!"

It came without a warning and I had no time to cover my mouth and nose. Haruki wasn't standing at the door thankfully, but when I looked back up from the ground, which I was forced to look at, Haruki was in front of me. Actually I knew he was there before I looked up since his feet walked into my line of vision. He looked down at me, and I looked up at him. Haruki probably wanted to enter the clubroom realizing this I moved out of the doorway. Haruki walked in walking back to the costume rack.

He better not make me assume anything else, I thought while the others shuffled into the room. Nagato went back to quietly reading his science fiction novel in the corner of the room. While Asahina went to make tea. It's probably the one thing he's good at, which is sad, you'd think someone from the future would be more reliable than him.

"Here take this, and go home early for today Kyonko."

My attention went back to Haruki, who was holding his white coat with the fur lining on the hood with his extended right hand. His voice wasn't boastful anymore, nor was it caring; if anything it sounded like he was scolding me.

"...."

I was dumbfounded, and couldn't respond. Was this real, I asked myself over and over yet the question never received clarification. All I could do was look at his face. His expression showed he was mad for some reason. What had I done? I didn't do anything don't get mad at me, I wanted to say but thanks to trepidation I didn't.

"It's getting cold outside, and It'll only get colder head home. You didn't bring a coat did you all you brought was your cardigan so take this with you."

".....what about you?"

Was all I could say—I was unfeignedly worried about him. I didn't want him to catch a cold or another illness.

"Don't worry I'm always prepared,"

Haruki's voice went back to being lively. I reached for the coat while he flashed a smile at me for some reason, I felt my face going flush, so I yanked it out of his hand and turned around putting it on then grabbed my school bag running hastily out of the clubroom after I had it in hand. It was too embarrassing, what would Haruki think? Would he get mad? I hoped he wouldn't.

Damn it, how do I keep screwing up every day! He was being kind to me but I left without even uttering a "thank you." I wanted to scream to relieve some stress. Still I held back since I was at school. Going back now isn't possible, I thought. I'm so stupid!

The feeling known as love is a bit too powerful, I think—lives are destroyed from it, and it quickly turns into hate. With one wrong phrase, or merely a word a relationship can end from a meaningless word that you thought was a joke. You'd think such a omnipotent emotion would be hard to break but it's not. The only powerful aspect of it is it's power of manipulation. Which isn't good, in a couple there's two people and they're supposed to love one another still what if one of the two is lying and simply using the other for money or sustenance. Yeah it's a wonderful thing yet there's so many bad aspects about it. Although all this comes from what I've heard since.....yeah. Anyway I hope Haruki and I will have a true relationship where the love is true.

On my way home I pondered what I could do to thank him, but I couldn't think of anything. It was a moment where you want an idea so bad; however, you can't think no matter how hard you try. Moments like that are truly annoying. It's the same as staring at a test the whole time hoping if you stare hard enough the answer will come to you—it's fruitless in the end. The bubble sheet is empty and you start panicking making the situation even worse so you haphazardly mark answers that seem to be correct, and in the end you somehow pass. The only variation is that I didn't pass here, which meant I was unsuccessful at trying to think of a way of demonstrating my gratitude.

It was driving me crazy—there had to be a means to show my gratitude to my love Haruki—even if it took me all day I had to think of something! Although maybe the harder you try the more likely you'll be wrong—reason being is that took so long that it maybe lacks inspiration since you thought up something to simply stop thinking about it! Maybe it'd be better to stay with what happened than mess up—consequences may be worse than the current situation.

Once at home as I threw off my shoes and substituted them with slippers as I made my presence aware to my family. After that was over with, I ran up to my room changed into casual clothing then sat down on the floor hugging the jacket that Haruki had lent me. It can only be compared to a scene out of a shojo manga as I dove my face into, and sniffed it—It smelled so much like him that for a second I thought that he was actually with me. I tightly hugged his heaven-on-earth inducing jacket continuing to sniff his ecstatic scent.

"What are you doing?"

Enquired my brother who must've opened the door while I was entranced by Haruki's scent.

"Whose jacket is that?"

Another question I couldn't answer at face value. But why couldn't I?

"....."

Needless to say my face became a deep crimson—nobody was supposed to see me....it was a mistake....but that's saying my love for him is a mistake. But it's not.......why am I so embarrassed? Damn it, shouldn't how I feel empower me instead of drain me? Where's my resolve? I love him! And questions that deal with him shouldn't be a big deal! I'm strong enough to handle answering them truthfully. I'm strong enough to admit I love him even!

Haruki is important to me and if I can't even say it's his jacket than how can I say I love him? How am I supposed to confess if I can even admit I was sniffing his jacket! When it comes to him, I have to be strong, strong enough to say the words that will begin everything our true story.

Say it! Damn it say it! Say it's Haruki's jacket, and I was inhaling his rapturous fumes! Without even realizing it that's what I said, yet another mistake I should've taken the time to word it in better.

"Haruki-niichan lent you that? And you were sniffing it? Do you like him or something?"

"......"

Even after everything I said I can't seem to open my mouth and simply utter "yes." That's all there should be to it, but still I was hesitant. What was I so apprehensive about? I Know it's true! Just admit it! Damn it Kyonko, admit you love him!

"You do!"

"....."

I couldn't say it after all.......

"Why would anyone sniff someone's jacket even though they liked them?"

"Go away!"

With that he laughed as he walked out of the door—he better not tell dad although he'd probably be happy that I like a boy that could eventually turn about to be someone I could see—the smile on his face was irritating. What's funny about it? If I love him I love him—it's as simple as that—there's nothing to laugh about. At least from my perspective.

With that I didn't think I was worth of his scent so I put it away.....only to retrieve it seconds later, to embrace it again. After dinner where my brother was wearing a mischievous grin, I went back up to my room to do the same......Even after a taking a shower I returned to partaking in the same activity.

As I did it......I thought many things.....

I should admit it, and next time I will....still to his face I can't say it....he may after all reject me. The first step is to be able to say it out loud to myself. I've only thought it so far—never voiced it. "Haruki I love....you." that's right "I love you Haruki." Nothing will change I'll love you forever....and you will become mine—that I'm assured of. You gave me the jacket because you were worried about me right? Then there is something present between us. It may not be love but it can evolve to that status.

After gaining that resolve I thought I could go to sleep. In the end I couldn't, at least not without his aroma....

Back at school on the following day, I took the jacket with me to return it to him of course—it is still his jacket after all.

As I walked up the steep hill the same as before the same person as the day before graced me with her presence.

"Hi Kyonko."

"Oh hey."

"You seem to be back to your normal self something good happen?"

"Nothing you have to know about."

"Hey your jacket isn't that.....Haruki's? What's going between you two? Don't tell me you're...."

I had to cut in before she jumped to conclusions.

"Nothing's going on."

With that I refused to answer the load of queries she threw at me—I simply gave vague answers like nothing or nope, even no.

We reached the school complex by then she had given up. I guess some people to do learn—it's fortunate she's one's of them. The only thing that was left was walking to the classroom that is after changing shoes. This time the walk seemed longer than before—funny how things like that workout. Time is really elusive although it's supposed to be absolute it doesn't seem that way. Wonder how that works—actually really it's all with you mindset.

I walked to Haruki's desk. I put my schoolbag on the desk's hook and took off the jacket all the while Haruki looked at me. Once the jacket was completely off, I said:

"Haruki....thanks," while extending my hand out with the jacket.

"Keep it."

He said while looking out the window.

"...."

Once again I was left speechless.

"As the brigade leader I have to look out for the wellbeing of all the members. You're not responsible enough to look out for yourself so I have to."

It was a present from him—there was no way I was going to decline. With a smile on my face I looked at his profile.

I'd treasure his present for as long as I lived. It was the first gift he gave me—I can only hope there'll be more on the way.

Chapter 3—present end 


	4. Chapter 4

A.N. Expect mistakes, at the pace I was going this would've never been released, so I simply removed everything that I felt didn't fit, which was actually a lot. I only did a few tweaks, and read through it once. My draft was nearing 8000 words but I felt that too large, so I dumped half of those words as you can see... most of it just stopped the pace of the story or extended it longer than it need to be.

Chapter four-Forever.

Haruki must have given his jacket to me for a reason—other than what he spoke of. Although I shouldn't assume anything since that'll only leads to a let down. I envy pessimists, they go through life not expecting anything beneficial to happen to them, so when something does happen they can only be surprised, which may happen often. Although there is a bad side to it, if you're a pessimist then you'll never admit your feelings for anybody since you'll think they'll reject you. But this happens with apprehension all the time anyway I guess, albeit I think it'd be worse than regular apprehension.

Haruki's mood was still lively there's nothing wrong there. His beaming smile is far better than his melancholic frown that's for sure. His smile does usually mean trouble for me, but I'll deal with that trouble to see his heart warming smile. Although that photo session was too embarrassing, I wonder if he likes my figure..... I really do hope he does. I don't see why he would though since I don't really have breasts.... Then I hope my thighs make up for that.

The costumes he's made me wear have always been embarrassing revealing ones. It all started with a bunny suit that was also forced upon me by Itsuko, and I've always wondered how he got my exact measurements. Maybe he's an amazing guesser or a stalker. There was that waitress uniform that didn't allow me to bend over without exposing my buttocks, as well as the nurse outfit. It all makes me wonder about what Haruki's interests are.

Haruki seems to do many things without thinking them through. I could've called sexual harassment many times, either with his fingers touching me or Itsuko's, he's actually lucky I didn't, but that was mostly due to fear. Wouldn't you be afraid of someone that had ogre strength, and could kidnap you whenever he wanted? He could threaten to kill you or even rape you! Although this would get him into further trouble, and I'd like to believe he's wiser than that. He's smarter than me so he should be, although I guess not in logic...

During classes I somewhat was able to listen and absorb information, hopefully it was enough to pass our next exam, or I'd be in trouble with my parents. They might even threaten to enroll me into cram school, which would cut into my loafing around time. Just so you know I like my loafing around time as most people do.

I know I could be using that time productively like by study for example, but I can't for some reason. I'll always end up watching television, or playing a game for long periods of time, then wonder where did my day go? The answer is into my PS2's memory card, or nowhere when I watch television. It's sad I know, still, I can't help it, after doing it for so long it's a habit. Sunday are wasted on me, I can say that without a doubt.

That leads to another problem what if Haruki says no to me because I'm not smart enough? All I can do is hope even though I should be trying to become smarter. I'd rather hope because it takes less effort then changing myself. I guess that's why we always fall back to hoping in the end because we're just lazy.

Why do classes have to be so boring? If only they were a little more entertaining then I wouldn't have to worry and listening would be an easy task to accomplish. But nonetheless it's a challenge for me, one I usually fail to complete.

At lunch I ate with Kunikida and Taniguchi, these two also seem to have too much free time on their hands. Haruki has even used them before, but even then they weren't used much and only filled minimal roles.

Haruki makes no sense at all in his decisions. I really wonder why he seems to avoid commons sense. Although it's pretty easy to guess why that is because he wants things to be as far from common as possible. What would that mean in a relationship? What differentiates common from weird in a relationship? I really want to know!

"Hey Kyonko, tell me what's with the jacket!"

Taniguchi yelled out.

"Maybe it's Haruki's proposal to her,"

added Kunikida.

"There's nothing with the jacket, it's simply a jacket. If you didn't know it's used to protect you from the elements."

"Sure whatever, so why did Haruki give it to you?"

I don't even know so how do I answer?

"I don't know."

"I see, so it was a gift?"

"Yeah, that's all."

"Well that's a let down..."

"...."

"I told you it's his proposal."

"Yeah maybe you're right,"

Tanguchi interjected.

"...."

I wish that's what it was, but I don't see that as possible. Haruki may be worried, but I don't think he in particularity likes me. I'm only one of his brigade members. At that he forces me to do everything almost as if he hates me.....Itsuko doesn't do anything more than looking pleasing to his eyes....it's not fair...why do I have to carry around stuff while she gets to do whatever she wants?

Hah.....when classes resumed, the teacher started talking in an monotonous voice, which only made my mind draw a blank before being able to listen again.

Everything is so mundane as of late, and I wonder why that's so, Haruki hasn't done any weird activity as of yet, and I wonder why? This would be about the time he'd just say something random then expect us to do it. It really makes no sense to me, but I guess that's a given for everything he does. I hate thinking about how different we are, although, maybe that's a good thing.

Haruki may be one of those guys that is attracted to polar opposites, I can only hope he is.

The day slowly came to a close it seemed so much longer than the others for some reason or another, it actually seemed sad and depressing. Even though he had given me a present, I didn't feel any better. I guess I realized the only present I wanted was a kiss from him. That's really all I needed to make me happy.

How much longer can this go on? At this rate, I'll be forced to tell him for the sole sake of getting him off of my mind, yet I'm sure he'll say no. If he held no interest in the countless women he dated before, what would make me any different? I'm not very pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not athletic. I'm only plain, completely plain. Why would he want me? When he could have some beautiful intelligent girl.

I have to stop saying such cryptic remarks about myself though. Why are things so complicated?

I started my walk to the clubroom, if I didn't show up he'd only grow mad at me. If anything I should make him smile some way, but even if I try, I can't think of anything!

While I thought about what may happen if I waited too long I was nearing the literature club's old room. It wasn't anything special but nonetheless it became the center where all my troubles began.

If anything I should be happy, I was able to meet everyone, including Itsuko. Without them the past months wouldn't have been anything special, but a entirely forgettable romp around school with some over demanding guy. It thanks to them that I was able to come out of some many problems alive.

…..

…...

In closed space we were alone in what seemed a dream. He said he had a nightmare yet his hair was different, the dream was filled with what he wanted.

Some other being appearing, and even if I'm lying to myself, me. In the dream he showed how happy he could be. His smile was …..something I want to see everyday, but I seldom see.

Someone like him deserves to smile, but instead he doesn't. When school started he always wore a scowl; It didn't suit at all, yet as time went on, he started to smile more frequently, and I wish he'll continue to smile. I also wish I'll be allowed to smile beside him.

Inside of the clubroom everyone was already gathered. It seemed that I had taken long than I had thought in arriving.

"What took you so long!"

Happily shouted Haruki.

"..."

"Anyway, as you all know tomorrow there's no school!"

"....are we roaming around the city again?"

He quickly closed the distance between us.

"What's wrong with you? If you act depressed then how can you expect to find aliens?"

My eyes went over to Nagato then back to Haruki. I had already found an alien, so I can act how ever I want, can't I?

"..you're the only one trying to find them."

"What's wrong you?"

"...nothing."

He pulled me closer to him then brushed the hair off of my forehead. His hands were so soft, and gentle, if everyone wasn't there then I might've embraced him. All my problems could be solved with a simple kiss so why couldn't we simply kiss? At least I thought so....

The thing is, if we were alone, I still be too afraid of what would happen afterward.

He moved his forehead to mine and held it there for a while. It was so comforting that without realizing it, I was leaning forward on him. He wasn't that warm, or....

"You have a fever! Why didn't you stay home!"

"I'm fine!" I said while pushing myself away from him.

Even then he walked closer to me, when he reached me, he placed his hands on my upper arms.

"Why didn't you stay home?"

Was I wrong in coming to school? I thought that if I didn't go that he would've become angry at himself for making me dress up.

"..."

"I guess you're just stupid, Come on I'll take you home."

Once we were ready to go, and outside of the school, he said: "Get on my back I'll carry you."

I hesitated for a while, but ultimately I let him carry me. If I didn't let him he'd only grow mad, which would mean he'd forcefully make me mount him anyway.

I can't believe this happened, I thought to myself while he carried me down the hill.

"Kyonko," called Haruki.

"What?" I gently answered not trying to sound spiteful.

"You don't need to push yourself."

I only pushed myself because of you Haruki, I thought that you'd grow angry at yourself because you're the one who caused this. You're the one who for his amusement made me wear a costume that was meant for a warmer day. All I was trying to do was not worry you anymore, but I guess, I only worried you more in the end.

"...I know that."

"No you don't! If you knew that then why didn't you stay home!"

I can't tell the truth... he wouldn't understand.

"I had to return your jacket."

"Something like that could've waited!"

"..."

"Kyonko.....this is my fault anyway."

"what?"

"don't play dumb, you only have a fever because of what you wore yesterday."

"..."

He continued to walk, he didn't seem to mind the extra weight, it actually seemed to me that he thought I was weightless.

It amazes me how things turn out sometimes. Days you think will never end, end to fast in the end. Time moves too fast when you're having fun, but you're glad it does because if it didn't you'd only grow bored. Days where it seems that you'll be stuck in one place, come to an end where you went where you wanted.

Now this day that was taking too long to end is ending too fast. Why couldn't it simply last a little longer?

"..."

"It's fine Haruki, I'm not mad."

"Well GOOD! But you're still sick so don't worry about tomorrow's activity.

I wasn't going to miss out on a chance to roam around town with him. No matter what, I had to be there, and tomorrow I may already be better.

"I'm going to go, I'll be fine by then."

"No you're staying home, I'll call you and tell you if we find anything, so you can relax at your house without a worry!"

No, that's really not okay. I want to be there with you Haruki! What if you end up with Itsuko what would I do then? At least this way I can have a chance of being with you—although you could still end up with someone else...

"...but I want to go."

"So!"

"...so let me go!"

"Like hell!"

"...."

No matter how hard I'd argue with him, I'm sure he'd only say no again and again. So what's the point of making him mad?

His feet continued to walk, and his mouth was pursed for the rest of the trip. All I could do was rest on him, and listen to the ambiance of the trip. It was somewhat peaceful, but I figure that any moment is peaceful with him now. It goes to say it's simply about who you have around you and not where you are that brings you peace.

You could travel to a part of the world you always wanted, to but without someone to enjoy it with; it may seems really pointless.

The walk home used to be a stale walk where nothing out of the ordinary ever happened. The one time before when I walked with Haruki, I didn't really enjoy it. Yet it gave insight into why he acted the way he did. I don't know why things have changed between then and now, but I'm really happy they have.

Even if what he's done has angered me, I'm still happy to have him around. Is that weird? I truly hope it's not.

Haruki continued to walk the rest of the trip in a soothing silence. It was only soothing because he was carrying me, otherwise, I'd think he was sad for some reason.

A quiet pensive Haruki used to be the first alert that something was going to take place, but now it didn't have to mean that. He may have been contempt with simply helping me. I wish that that's what it was, I needed to believe things like this because if I didn't I'd never have the guts to confront him about how I feel.

Haruki ...soon arrived at my home, and put me down saying:

"Get some rest!"

"...Alright...."

I replied before entering into my house; if I stayed alone with him outside any longer, I may kissed him or something. I know it was a waste of a good opportunity but....

I needed to first make sure he likes me before I did something as ill-founded as that.

I didn't tell my parents I was ill, and I tried my best to not show it; the only way I was going to be able to go out tomorrow was if they thought I was in perfect health.

I smiled and acted as I would any other day. At dinner I simply ate, when it was time to take a bath that's what I did.

Inside the safety of my room, I hid under my sheets, and hugged his jacket. If I kept this up his entrancing scent would soon be gone and replaced by my dull scent. Even knowing this fact, I continued to hug it close to my body. Maybe I could have a happy dream with his scent. Maybe I could wake up in a world where we were already together.

I'll simply take the happy dream that's enough for me. When I wake up, I want to be in the exact same place as I was when I fell asleep that way I can be the creator of my happiness and not leave that task to someone else.

When I slept, I dreamed like a child.

…..

In the morning I had so many things to think about.

When you have no one to love you, or no one for you to love; how do you know that when you have someone that love is true? You may simply be lying to yourself for the sole purpose of not being lonely. You'll only go through life lying to everyone this way. It's only because you're afraid of being lonely.

If all we do is because of fears, then we haven't done anything but run away from fear. People think that life needs to have a clear meaning, but wouldn't that take the fun out of it? If you knew what you're supposed to do; what would you do? You'd do what you're supposed to do, simply so you know you'll get somewhere.

Haruki...please don't lie to me anymore....you are yourself, and that's good, but I don't like when you smile.... When you laugh it seems like you're not really happy. If I lied I'm sorry, life was supposed to be happy. When I said the world was heading in a interesting direction. I didn't mean for myself..... Although what kind of world did you want?

If you'd tell me than maybe I could help you change the current world into a desirable one. When I kissed you...everything went back to normal. We awoke back into the normal world then came to school. There you weren't wearing your headband so why didn't continue to wear your hair that way?

I don't see any reason for it, if anything you'd be more comfortable with your hair in it's natural state.

That doesn't matter though, I simply want to make you happy, I want to do something to please you. Over the course of the time we spent together, I've done things to make you mad and I've worried you too. Please tell me a way to make you happy, I'll be anything to you, a girlfriend, a friend, but not anything that will get me into trouble.

You may say I'm selfish, but if I get into trouble I won't be able to see you anymore so it's not for myself but for you as well.

Now I'm sure you have feelings for me, I'm not that dumb as to not realize that fact. If you didn't you wouldn't bother with me. Even if I kept talking to you about what you wanted me to talk to you about. You would've ignored me unless you liked something about me.

You said I was a waste of time, but now whenever I'm with you, you seem to enjoy yourself. I know I'm not a waste of time at least not to you.

Everything you do is always obvious, the reasons you do it for. You use people however you like, but you never use me in revealing ways outside of the clubroom because you want to be the only one to see me like that in the future. Mitsuuru and Yuuki may see me but they don't even care. It may seem that you don't like me, but I know that you only tease me because you like me.

I want you to admit it, to me and yourself. Can't you simply say those three words? If you can't then I'll say them to you, and if you reject me, I'll only try again, so what's there to lose?

There's nothing to lose, but all to gain, why not go through with this, if I had the choice I'd go through it over and over to have you at my side when I finished. If I wouldn't do this, I'm dumb, I'll risk it because I want to be with you. There's still so much time, and that may be the excuse for so many people, but we can use that time to develop a strong relationship, one that will last forever.

I know you want that too so why are you waiting?

I guess maybe you want to continue your search for a little longer. Even if that's true if we're together we can still continue your search; it's really that simple, so let's begin will what will make our future.

I know you still have so many things you want to do, and I'll help you. You don't have to continue this foolish search by yourself, even if it's foolish I'll tag along and won't let go.

If I wait any longer I may lose you or begin to act in a way I don't want. So that's why I'll tell you, I'll tell you how I love you, I'll tell you how I want you to kiss me. I want you to take away all pain I've been recently feeling; and a kiss from you is best medicine for this ailment., and there's no way to overdose, I'll still want more no matter what. Your sweet lips will never lose their appeal. Your hands will always be warm and inviting.

Even if you don't give me many compliments I'm okay with that; all I need is for you to say "I love you" again and again. I need you to say how you want to remain with me. How you want to walk me home and depart with a kiss.

That's why I'm not listening to you, I'm going to surprise you. I won't be late this one time. I'll be waiting for you instead.

..

…..  
I hurried to dress, and tie my hair back into a ponytail. Once that was done with I vaguely told my parents where I was going.

The ride on my bike to the station was a warm one that was this way because of Haruki's jacket. After the trip was complete, I patiently waited for the members to arrive. It seemed I had arrived a bit too early.

The people around me came and went. Not one face seemed familiar. Still, The cold air didn't deterrent me in anyway, and I was able to keep warm. The time slowly wasted and the first to arrive was Yuuki.

He didn't seem surprised to see me at all.

He simply stood and watched the same people I was watching. Itsuko was next, as always she wore something that fit her body well. Yet I didn't care my casual attire should be enough. Although her cause attire was leagues above mine.

The knitted sweater she wore was very pretty, and seemed expensive. While what I wore under Haruki's jacket seemed like last year's fashion, and at that it seemed cheap.

Damn Itsuko and her 'organization!'

It so annoying just like everything she does!

"Hello, I thought for sure you were going to take this opportunity to stay home."

"..."

"Maybe after today we won't have to worry about Haruki causing closed space that would save me a lot of trouble."

"What?"

She couldn't know, could she? Although I guess I shouldn't be surprised it may have been obvious...

"You know better than me about what I'm speaking of."

"..."

"I approve Kyonko, and I believe I suggested this long ago."

"Yeah thanks, but I don't need your approval."

"And I was being so thoughtful," she said as she started giggling.

The next one to arrive was Asahina-sempai, his attire was always so well picked out. Unlike many other guys who simply put on whatever is there, he probably searches for the perfect outfit.

Then Haruki finally showed up. He as always looked like a trendy teenager he looked rather mad, but I knew things were going to be okay.

He dragged me off, away from the rest of the group, to probably to yell at me for being so stupid.

"I told you to stay home didn't I?"

"..."

"How can you be so stupid?"

"..."

"GO home now!"

"Haruki...you need to learn to stop talking once in awhile and listen to those around you. You can't keep making Mitsuuru dress in those embarrassing outfits and making the club members victims to your actions."

"Is that really the only reason you came today? To tell me I need to pay attention to them?"

"No not really," I moved closer to him putting my arms around his neck.

"What are you doing?"

"Be quiet for a while, you want to kiss me too don't you?"

"....." He grabbed my hands and yanked them away from him.

So was I wrong after all? Do I really have to feel this painful feeling until I'm over to get over him? Why couldn't be people be simpler to read? I don't want to cry for him again....

"...I'll just go home then..."

I turned my back to and started walking even though my home wasn't in that direction. I didn't want him to see me crying so there was no other choice.

"Wait," urged Haruki.

I didn't turn my back as I heard his footsteps come closer to me.

"Your house isn't that way."

"Is that all? Can I go now?"

I tried to make it sound like I wasn't crying, but I know it shone through.

He didn't speak another word instead he grabbed my arm and pulled it. I landed in his chest as he tightly embraced me.

"Why are you crying, it's okay, really."

Tears were still running down my cheeks even though he had hugged me.

"I-I love you Haruki..."

"Please stop crying because...."

"..."

He released me from his grasp and kissed my lips in one movement.

Everything was as I had thought it would be. How it made me feel, his taste, and the sensation that everything would be fine as long as I was with him. After a while of making out he finally said:

"This means you're my girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah..."

It was really such a simple matter so why did it seem so big to me? I knew it would work out, so why did I cry? Love really is painful... but it's okay, even if it's painful that's not a reason to avoid it.

The End

A.N. Well my first project is done with and I have to say It's mostly likely going to be redone. This project did serve as a good warm up on how to write fan fiction since I've never been much of a writer...so things can only get better.....Hopefully.


	5. Afterword

Afterword

As you may have noticed my grammar sucks. I'll try to improve as time goes on, although usually I'm too lazy to even bother with grammar.... Anyway, This fan fiction, my first fan fiction, was only written because I had yet to see much English Kyon-ko fan fiction that's not really a worthy cause, for that matter some people only see this whole thing as some plague that's starting to hit more and more anime series.

Well I hope someone enjoyed this since that was the final chapter to one of the worst written stories both in grammar, and in plot.

The Kyonko presented in this was probably bipolar it seemed....that's not too good. Anyway, the one in Kyonko and Kyon? And Nagato let's read! Isn't so well.... messed up...

Also, I'd like to know how Kyonko really should act. I'm not much for the Anime Suki/ Baka Tsuki Kyon-ko that is simply a rip off of Kyon.

My main gripe is that since the she's a girl wouldn't that affect how she grew up so therefor how she acts?

Although I do admit Kyonko was OOC in this fanfiction, I really could've done better.... and that why I'm thinking about rewriting the entire script.

Kyon isn't very sociable, so would Kyon-ko be the same? Or would she be shy? Eh.................. I don't get it.

So the main thing I'm trying to say is head over to pure gender bent, my forum, to leave your thoughts on this. It'd actually be very useful.

All of the other characters seem fine since I don't see them changing no matter what.

Well bye, and I hope you read my other works! (even though I'm not the best writer.....)


End file.
